Ang sakit sakit pala sa feeling pag pinalitan ka na ng ex mo kahit 2 weeks plang kaung break…

                I just don’t know why I’m writing this letter coz’ I know that you can’t still read this one. But there are many things I wanted to tell you and I don’t even know where to start. I still can’t believe that were through already, I still can’t accept what you have done. It doesn’t sink on my mind yet. You were the first guy who taught me how to love. It may not be love at first sight but I know it was something special.  I still remember when I was just in elementary that I told my friends that I will not have any relationship not until I reached my third year college., but then you came into my life. I still remember that it was on February 4, 2007 that I first heard your name. Months passed and you became my best friend. I felt so comfortable being with you.  And when it was on November 24, 2007 that we were officially lovers. I  was just  14 that time.  So young and innocent but I know that It was love that I feel, not puppy love or something, I know that It was something real. You know that my friends were against you but you know that I’d fought for you. I can still remember the first time I cried because of you, but I’m happy because you were there for me willing to wipe all those tears and you told me that you want to be with me when I cry,  so that there’s someone who will wipe those tears away. I was so happy being with you. We’ve been a lot of trials but then we overcome it because we were together fighting for our relationship. You went to Manila and you promised me that distance can’t stop us in loving each other. Do you remember that I once told you that you were my dreamboy? You’re sweet, caring, loving, tall, you have fair skin, chinito, smart, you know how to play guitar, even though your such antipatiko, but that’s the reason I fell in love with you.  Whenever I hear our themesong  “ My one and only you (Your song), there’s always a smile painted on my face coz’ I remember you. Whenever you have problem with your family, I was there, Even though I know that It was your fault, I am the only one who was always your kakampi. In every step of the way, in every decision you made, I was there who keep on supporting you. Even though we fought too much, we still end up saying I love you with each other.  Even though how many times I cried because of you, how many times I was hurt because of you, I did not give on you.  Because you know that I promised to myself that whatever will come on our way, I will fight for you, I will not give on you, I will only give up and let go If you already found someone else. You know how much I love you baby even though were miles apart,  for how many years we did see each other, for how many monthsaries, anniversaries, birthdays, valentines, Christmas, new years  that we did not celebrate with each other, I accepted those things because I believe One day we will see each other again. During the time there are black spots appeared on your body, I was so scared coz’ I thought you have leukemia, I was so scared of the idea that you will leave me. I prayed so hard to God. I told Him that I can accept that you will be gone because you found someone else, but I can’t accept you will leave me because you were dead. And I thank Him because He answered my prayer that He saved you from the possibility of having that disease. We even made plans together for our future, you will be a doctor, and I will be a pharmacist. 9 years from now, we will get married, you will even sing “Marry your daughter” to my father, it may be funny but its sweet. In my plan for my future, you’re always there. We were really happy baby but then suddenly my world fell down when I read the messages on your FB. I felt cold, shivered on the messages that I’ve read. Why did you do that? Why did you cheat on me? Is it because you’re tired with me? nagsawa ka na ba? I really don’t know what’s the reason for you to hurt me like this. I love you, I cared for you, I was there with you during your saddest and happiest moment but isn’t it enough? You told me that you will choose me over me that girl, you already said sorry, but you know what? Your sorry can’t take away the pain I’m feeling right now. You told me you how much you love me but why did you do that to me? I’ve told you before that you can hurt me in any way you wanted, just don’t do something which I can’t handle, that is cheating on me. I asked you how many times if you have other someone, you said NO.  I told you how many times, “don’t cheat on me”. I once told you the story about my friend that she was cheated by her boyfriend and I even told you I can’t imagine the pain she’s suffering that time and I begged you not to do that to me and you promised me. Maybe I am such an idiot to believe on those beautiful lies of yours. You know how much I love you that I’m willing to give everything to you. But then, maybe God love me so much because He saved me from you. Actually, Its your lost. No one will ever love you the way I do. You asked me if I still love you, I answered NO. I also told that nagsisisi aq for having you in my life. I know its painful for you to hear that. But I actually told you that because I want you to feel just a little pain that I felt right now. The people around me may thought that I’m okay, that  I’m happy because they always see me smiling but they don’t know how much pain I’m feeling inside. I’m too broken inside. I’m bearing this pain because I haven’t cried yet.  Even though I hate you so much, you know what? I really do still love you, I miss you so much, I always check my phone hoping you texted me coz’ for almost four years, I always received a text from you.  Even though I have plenty of crushes but its still you I always think about before I sleep and when I wake up..I just don’t know if you felt that too. Sorry if I didn’t accept your apology and didn’t accept you in my life again because I am afraid that you will do it again, and I am much afraid to feel this kind of pain again. I’m sorry for the bad words I told you. I don’t know where, when and how will I start moving on. I just want to let you know that you are on my mind always, but it doesn’t mean that I accept your apology because there’s still pain. Even though it ended up like this, I will not forget that you are my first love, that once in my life, I love someone so much. I will not forget those smiles you painted on my face. Maybe, you’re okay right now. I don’t know .Maybe, we will find someone else, or maybe one day our path will cross again. It was just A beautiful story ended already. It was just so hard to accept.:( (November 24, 2007-August 21, 2011)